Things You Wouldn't Want To Do If You Had Taste Buds On Your Hands

And another weird pastime of mine is revealed!

I make lists. 

Not to-do lists, heavens no. I make funny lists, like the one I'm about to share with you. A fair warning though, if you get easily disgusted DO NOT READ FURTHER. Seriously, I don't want to hurt any of your delicate sensibilities.

THINGS YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO DO IF YOU HAD TASTE BUDS ON YOUR HANDS

• Go to the bathroom
• Take out the trash
• Do the dishes
• Squeeze lemons
• Pick your nose
• Scratch your butt
• Pet an animal
• Get your hands licked by said animal
• Clean the litter box
• Be a hairdresser
• Be a masseuse (except if you're into that sh*t)
• Use a pay phone
• Touch the table at McLarence's Pub after whatever Barney did to it
• Play any sport where you touch a ball
• Milk a cow
• Stab someone (except if you're into tasting someone die... you sick f*ck)
• Get sweaty palms
• Be a plumber

Be hygienic people. If you don't want something in your mouth, why would you let it get and stay on your hands? It will end up there anyway if you don't wash them. 

AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY OR UNHOLY ALIKE, DO NOT COOK WITH DIRTY HANDS!

Anyway, that was my hygiene campaign. Hope I got through to you!